Relationships go a little pear shaped at times. It is easy to get lost in the day to day business of life and compromise our communication and connection with those we love. It takes a willingness and action in the world to work on these aspects of our life to make the necessary changes we need individually and as a couple.
The most important relationship you will ever have is the one you have with yourself. Often when people are struggling with other people it can be a wonderful opportunity to reveal where we need to work on ourselves. People can offer us a reflection into where we are triggered. Our relationships can be our greatest teachers and you want to hope that you have a partner that will call you on your crap ( That is of course under the proviso that your partner is a trusted one ). We are all here to grow and evolve and when we are in intimate relationships with other people we can quickly see where we are not effective. This doesn’t mean that we will someday reach a pinnacle of perfection but we can certainly always aim to be better and to do better. This however requires a level of maturity in admitting that we are flawed and an ability to be able to take a look at our beliefs/behaviours and acknowledge that we are not always right. It never ceases to amaze me how adamantly people will fight to be right over the end goal of resolution. The ego works in strange and mysterious ways and it will not necessarily serve you. It’s often more interested in being right than working things out. There is a saying that I quite like, “ There are always four sides to a story; your side, their side, the truth and what really happened.” When we are able to objectively let go of right and wrong and understand that there are so many variables that take place in any disagreement then we can begin to repair.
So the question then becomes how do you manage conflict? Because it’s not a case of avoiding conflict and finding a partner that agrees with you 100 % of the time. We need to be able to take responsibility for who we are and how we are in conflict. One of our innate habits as human beings is that we are drawn to look at the negatives and although this comes out of a good place within us which is to keep us safe we are the ones who are responsible for being the gate keepers of that space within. We are the ones choosing our response regardless of the circumstances. So if you have a history of being reactive you might want to ask yourself; ”how has this worked out for me in the past”? And then as an alternative you could perhaps pause and take a breath and ask your self; “what is the best response I can give here”. The reality is that you are flawed, your partner or friends or family or whoever you are in contact with are flawed. Your relationships will simply reveal to you where you are holding onto limiting narratives. These are not necessarily true or untrue, they just are, so when you shift just a couple of internal perceptions then the world starts to react to you very differently. When you start to recognise the good parts of you, you will get more of that, when you start to accept yourself totally as you are and who you are that my friends is inner peace. This is not to suggest that we should not still aspire to be better however when you focus on lack or inadequecy you will get more of that. So what do you want to notice about yourself?
Always remember that everyone is doing the best they can with what the’ve got. If they had something more then they would do better. You can’t do better than your best so when we let go of expectations for people to be something or someone that they are not we also let go of frustrations. I am often heard saying that if there is a lack of respect there is a lack of love because the two are synonymous with each other. So be someone who garners respect if you want love and that respect starts with yourself which in turn flows out to others. All of your future happiness exists within you so be who you need to be and how you need to be in the world to bring that happiness out. You are the source of everything good that is yet to happen to you.
Working on relationships can be difficult and emotional but you are much bigger than any pattern of behaviour that you can run so if you are ready to improve your relationships get ready to improve yourself.